Should I Break No Contact With My Ex? (2023)

FAQs

Should I reply to my ex during no contact? ›

1. When your ex contacts you during no contact it is important you don't reply right away. Instead, wait about three hours to text or call him back or 24 hours to email.

While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different. Some people move on really fast after a breakup, while other people take a long time. If 30 days pass and you still aren't ready, it's totally okay to extend your period of no contact.

So, when you actively choose not to respond to your ex, you're taking away their behavioral freedom of being able to talk to you. Their mind makes them think about talking to you even more, and they will thus try to get you to talk to them again; however, they can.

It is definitely OK not to respond to an ex. In fact, in many circumstances, you might find that it's best you don't respond, especially if it was a toxic relationship.

There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.

What happens when you ignore your ex? Anytime you begin ignoring your ex, this can change both their behavior and yours. For instance, you will have time to think about the relationship that just ended so that you can move forward with your life.

At the very least, the no contact rule requires that you keep radio silence for 30 days after the breakup. Depending on your situation, that void might have to extent for a few more weeks or months. The goal of no contact is to give you the power of silence after break up.

1. The No-Contact Rule. If you want to discover why exes come back after years, you should know that when an ex thinks that you would not be able to move on and leave their memories behind, they muster the guts to make a comeback. An ex may come back even when they are not sure of your relationship status.

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

How long should you stop talking to your ex? ›

According to the famous no contact rule, 30 days is enough time for both of you to get in a better headspace and healthily process your feelings. Plus, when you draw boundaries and give her space to miss you, your ex will start remembering the good times you had together.

You're under no obligation to respond to your ex.

It's totally up to you whether or not you want to talk to your ex again, and ignoring them is a great way to keep them out of your life. Sometimes, exes will try to worm their way back into your life when they see you thriving.

When It's Acceptable to Text Your Ex. According to Walfish, there's definitely a time when it's acceptable to text your ex—particularly when there are signs that you two might be able to reconcile. "These signs include that they express and demonstrate genuine accountability and remorse for having hurt you.

And so we kind of end up where we've started: Yup, ignoring texts is rude. But there are lots of reasons to do so that may leave one without fault. So let's set some ground rules to make it easier in the future.

Silence speaks volumes

The best revenge is no reaction. Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in.

Radio silence simply refers to the act of being distant from your partner in order to make him come back to you. When done the right way, it allows your ex to miss and crave you more. It reaffirms and reawakens the feels he has for you, compelling him to come back.

Research finds that feeling ignored can affect people's sensory perceptions, such as feeling that surroundings seem quieter. Being ignored creates feelings of self-doubt, feeling a lack of control, and feeling not worthy of attention.

Stay busy.

Start doing more things with your friends, join a club, or take up a new hobby to get your mind off your ex and make ignoring him completely natural. If you and your ex-boyfriend are in the same social circles, it will help if he sees you looking happy and enjoying life without him.

Whether it's awful fights, constant cheating and lying, dependency issues, or abuse, a toxic relationship is basically an unhealthy situation that can damage the well-being of one or both partners.

Who should break no contact first? ›

Let your ex be the first one to break the no contact rule, especially if you're following it to try and get them back. It's easy to fall into a pattern of worrying about what other people think, but if reaching out to your ex and breaking the no contact rule is what's best for you, do it.

The rule of thumb is to wait 30 days before you speak to your ex once again. If you were together for a very long time and you break up, you may need to extend this to six weeks. At the most, 2-2.5 months is how long the no-contact phase should go.

Being in No Contact for 30 days with your ex means that you do not call, text, interact in social media, don't meet them all of sudden, stalk them, etc.

~In reality, what makes a dumper change their mind is seeing you move on. Knowing that they can't have you after they started to value you, hurts them. This makes them regret their decision because they start to value you differently.

If you average all the reputable research on the ex recovery process and chances of getting your ex back, there's about a 43.5% chance your ex will come back without doing anything. Those aren't exactly betting odds. That means six out of ten times you're probably not going to get your ex back.

One of the biggest signs a breakup is final is when one of you, or both of you, feel like you just can't do this anymore. It's been so emotionally and physically taxing that you just feel like you have nothing left to give to this relationship.

The results showed just 15% of people actually won their ex back, while 14% got back together just to break up again, and 70% never reconnected at all. But although it sounds like a small number, a few success stories showed how it is possible to work things out if you put the time and effort in.

How do you really win your ex back? ›

Snag your ex's eye by reaching back out, spending time together, reminding them of happy memories, and acting casual and confident. Finally, discuss getting back together. Talk about what went wrong in the past and let your ex know that you're willing to work to be a better partner.

The male mind during no contact

The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.

Talking to an ex can create false hope that the two of you could one day get back together. Even if you know your ex isn't right for you, talking to your ex can cause serious problems. After a relationship ends, loneliness, confusion and anger often come in fits and starts.

"It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months to forever, depending on how intense the relationship was, how invested you were in each other, and how heartbroken you are," says Jane Greer, PhD, New York-based marriage and family therapist and author of What About Me? (Those three factors all sort of piggyback on ...

The closure talk is essentially an excuse to have one last conversation with your ex. It's the conversation where you're supposed to get all of your questions answered about where the relationship went wrong and get all those loose ends from the breakup tied up.

But if you haven't talked to your ex in a while—or if things didn't end on good terms—reaching out can come across as super selfish. It's all about intentions. Before you text your ex, look deep inside yourself and figure out why you think that's a good idea.

Don't continue to contact them if they don't respond.

Their silence says all you need to know about the prospect of getting back together or being friends again. Even if you're sending a thoughtful, well-worded apology text, understand that your ex doesn't owe you gratitude, forgiveness, or really anything.

What should be the last message after breakup? ›

Express what you did wrong, say you're sorry, and wish them well moving forward. You might even be able to get some shared closure on the breakup. “I've been thinking a lot about what happened between us, and I'm sorry for how I acted. You didn't deserve that.”

"Most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to integrate lessons before jumping back in if they were in a fairly serious relationship," she says. If you dated someone for a year or more, you may need three to four months.

Give them the benefit of the doubt, both experts agree. If you wait seven days, without sending a double text, and your inbox is still at zero, you should take that as a sign too. No response is a response, Fields says.

Science Says Wait A While Before Texting Back

Well science says making the other person wait for your reply will increase your attractiveness and it's all down to 'reward uncertainty'. Psychologists have conducted studies on lab animals involving a reward system and monitored how the animals reacted.

For a typical breakup, wait at least 30 days to text your ex-girlfriend. According to the famous no contact rule, 30 days is enough time for both of you to get in a better headspace and healthily process your feelings.

Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. Take your time when it comes to responding.

When It's Acceptable to Text Your Ex. According to Walfish, there's definitely a time when it's acceptable to text your ex—particularly when there are signs that you two might be able to reconcile. "These signs include that they express and demonstrate genuine accountability and remorse for having hurt you.

Though you may want to put the phone down and move on, severing contact with an ex is easier said than done. Continuing to text your ex after a breakup is like picking at a wound — it hurts and keeps you from healing, but it's also strangely addictive. It is possible, however, to rewire your heart and habits.

How do you know if your ex truly wants you back? ›