No Contact Rule Male Psychology: 8 Stages & 5 Shocking Thoughts He Has (2023)

High-quality men want to be providers. They are strong men who want to support their woman and take the lead.

So, no contact essentially makes him feel useless.

By now he’s sort of in a bargaining stage.

He can see that his texts and calls aren’t working, but he very much wants to still be there for you on a deeper level in some way.

Men want to feel needed. They want to feel like the big strong man who can swoop in and save you.

I know it sounds cheesy, but this is the primal instinct that men have been developing for millions of years.

When you don’t respond, this desire only grows within him.

He basically needs a way to repair some of that lost self esteem that disappeared with you doing no contact on him so seriously.

QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz! (All the answers you seek about him lie within these 8 questions.)

Stage #8: He Tries A Desperate Last Advance or Gives Up

The last thing he thinks if you ignore him is that he has to do a “grand gesture” and throw a Hail Mary pass.

This is where he may show up with a bouquet of flowers, come up to you in a restaurant where you’re out on a date or show up playing music outside your apartment.

He’s hoping that something can break through the no contact and at least get your attention even if you stick to the split.

If none of this works then he will eventually give up.

But if he still has strong feelings for you and the relationship was serious, the no contact is salt in the wound.

He’s not going to forget about you for a long, long time.

Related: How To Get Revenge On Your Ex Boyfriend in 5 Easy Steps (With No Repercussions).

(Video) Male Psychology During The No Contact Rule

5 Shocking Thoughts He Has During No Contact

The fact is that no contact rule male psychology does differ from guy to guy, even though there are some general principles that apply broadly to all men.

Each man is still an individual, so we cannot be his mind reader and give you the exact mental script he’s going through.

However, we can give you some insights into the little known thoughts most men will inevitably have in their heads during no contact, that we have learned through years of coaching.

First things first:

The stronger a man feels about you to start with, the stronger the effect that you going no contact on him will be.

If he didn’t like you much to begin with, going no contact won’t do much.

But if you had something deep that’s now over, it’s going to drive him up the wall.

What a guy thinks when you ignore him is based on how much he likes you and what his intentions were with you.

If he really liked you, and you suddenly ignore him, it's going to hurt him.

He'll think about it and obsess about getting you back, because no contact creates so much space and emptiness in his life.

Now if you want even more insights into no contact rule male psychology, here are 6 shocking thoughts he has when you go no contact on him.

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(Video) The Psychology Of A Man During The No Contact Rule

Here Are 6 Shocking Thoughts He Has When You Ignore Him

#1: “I really suck, I'm not worthy of a second chance.”

The male mind during no contact is like a fuse short-circuiting. He’s buzzing, frizzing and all over the place.

He may feel that you’re ignoring him because he’s unworthy and begin replaying all the times he’s felt inadequate or unwanted.

If he has high self-esteem he will easily brush these thoughts aside. If he has low self-esteem they can really stick with him.

The fact is, ignoring someone is the fastest way to trigger any feelings of inadequacy.

You may not have that intent of course, you may just be going no contact purely to do the best thing for yourself.

But of course, if you had a good and close relationship with your ex, then almost anything you do to your ex has an affect on him on some level.

What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her?

#2: “What did I do to make her disappear like that?”

Nobody likes how they feel when someone goes no contact on them. Even if he only half-liked you, it’s going to affect him.

And even if he broke up with you, he’s going to wonder if he was too harsh and he hurt you so badly that you won’t talk to him again.

(Video) 5 Stages A Man Goes Through During No Contact (What Is He Thinking?)

Recommended: How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back in 6 Badass Steps.

#3:“Gosh, now I realize I like her way more than I realized.”

Another shocking thought many men have during no contact is that he realizes he liked you more than he thought.

This is often a result of being deprived of your attention and affection.

This feeling can come as a surprise to him, particularly if he was treating you as a plaything or sending you mixed signals while you dated.

No Contact Rule Male Psychology: 8 Stages & 5 Shocking Thoughts He Has (1)

#4: “Screw her. I’ll find a new girl.”

If he was never that into you and you initiate no contact, he may have angry thoughts about you like this.

He’ll be swiping through Tinder in no time, looking for another girl to take to bed. And guess what? With any luck, he’ll probably be getting ghosted again, too.

#5:“Just another fake chick. Bye.”

This is a shocking thought that some guys have during no contact. The male mind during no contact is desperately searching for answers and solutions.

Recommended: 19 Lame Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You.

To men, feelings make them out of control, and since he would be having a few feelings related to you right now, he’ll be scrambling to come up with a solution.

Because that’s what men do, they solve problems.

So one way to solve it is to reduce your importance in his life.

(Video) The Neuropsychology of Men During No contact (SHOCKING!!!)

So when you don’t contact him he may pretend not to like you by writing you off as “just the same” as other girls who he thinks are low-value.

This is a cop out on his part.

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?

#6:“We had an amazing sexual connection! Could it be that I'm not good enough in bed for her like I thought I was?”

So we all know that sex is important to guys.

So even if he didn’t have strong romantic feelings for you and you were just a woman he kept around to serve his own needs, being placed on no contact can make him doubt his own sexual performance.

He may wonder if you were faking orgasms, and if the intimate times you shared together were actually quite blah for you.

So now that you know some of the crazy thoughts that go on in the male mind during no contact, there’s an important question that I want to ask you…

What Do You Want?

The key to heading in the direction here is to know what you want.

What’s your goal?

Are you punishing him and seeing how much he squirms, or do you want him back?

Be clear on your goals, because no contact only works if you have a strong motivation for doing it and have consistency in your actions.

If you’re tempted to write him back every ten minutes or very lonely in your own life, it could end up hurting you as much as it’s hurting him.

But if you’re confident about what you’re doing and have a reason for it, you could end up rekindling the spark that you used to have.

If you would indeed like to rekindle that spark, then perhaps think about whether it’s best to do no contact for 30 days in order to “reset” your connection and to give him the gift of missing you, or whether it’s best to actually be in touch with the strict and clear purpose of adding some value in his life.

Add value? How?


The simple way to add value is to build the emotional attraction and emotional connection up again.

The best way to do that is with some high value banter and texting, just to add some value in his life and create a genuine emotional connection.

High value banter is also a way to test how serious he is about connecting with you (you don’t want to keep him in your life if he’s just messing around, after all).

(Video) The "No Contact Rule" Explained | Matthew Hussey

So go ahead and find out for yourself! Test out some high value banter by taking our free class on the dark feminine art of high value banter.


What are men thinking during no contact? ›

“No contact” could make him question what he thought he did right. He'll doubt everything from his attractiveness and bedroom skills to his jokes and romantic gestures. He might fixate on every little error he made while you were together, adding to his feelings of regret and insecurity.

How long does it take for a man to realize he messed up? ›

Men often go through an emotional state called “Dumpers Remorse” after the woman finally goes away. This state hits after one month to six weeks after the man passes through the initial happy phase after a breakup. He starts to give away signs he knows he messed up the whole thing from that time.

Does no contact work on a stubborn man? ›

In fact, most say that their ex is uniquely stubborn – more so than other exes or other people. While I'm not suggesting that you are wrong in thinking that your ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, or spouse is stubborn, this trait would not negate the impact of The No Contact Rule in the vast majority of cases.

How do you know if he misses you during no contact? ›

15 signs he is missing you during no-contact
  1. Everyone around him knows he is depressed. This may not mean a lot to you, except when you are looking at a guy who used to be outspoken and boisterous. ...
  2. He now spends much time online. ...
  3. He refrains from dating for a long time. ...
  4. He tries “too hard” to flirt with other girls.
29 Apr 2022

Will a guy miss me if I don't contact him? ›

With the majority of men, he will miss you if you leave him alone. That might sound ridiculous but there are some very good reasons behind it. 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder' is an expression that is very true.

What do men think when you dont text back? ›

1 He thinks you're busy. 2 He's trying to brush it off. 3 He might think you're playing “hard to get.” 4 He's worried you're ignoring him because you're upset.

How do you know when your done with him? ›

How to know your relationship is over, falling apart and possibly beyond repair
  • He makes little effort to communicate.
  • He becomes evasive – avoiding anything to do with you.
  • He pushes you away when you want to get close.
  • He doesn't show up when he promised.
  • He can't be bothered to be 'nice'.
  • He is mean to you.
24 Sept 2010

How can you tell if a man is damaged? ›

15 signs of an emotionally broken man
  • He still lives in his past. ...
  • Withholds investing in the present relationship. ...
  • Epic and seamless mood swings. ...
  • Consider expressing his love as being 'weak' or 'needy. ...
  • Self-esteem is always low. ...
  • Unhealthy quest for success. ...
  • Engages in common vices.
7 Dec 2021

How do you know when a guy is done? ›

25 telltale signs that the relationship is over for him
  1. He's asking for too much space, it doesn't make sense. ...
  2. You feel it deep within. ...
  3. You are also losing interest in the relationship. ...
  4. Communicating with him is like talking to the statue of liberty. ...
  5. He no longer initiates sex. ...
  6. Having sex with you feels like a chore.
28 Dec 2021

What does being silence do to a man? ›

The silent treatment puts a man in heightened anticipation. It shows you aren't afraid of little distance or break in a relationship. He doesn't know your whereabouts or how you feel.

What to do when a man is not contacting you? ›

Dating advice: What to do when he stops calling
  1. Know that not everyone is compatible. There are myriad reasons someone you're seeing might suddenly stop calling. ...
  2. Understand that he didn't have the courage to face you. ...
  3. Don't let it shake your confidence. ...
  4. Avoid contacting him. ...
  5. Stay calm and move on.
29 Aug 2012

How long after no contact should I give up? ›

Roughly 4 weeks of time alone should be enough to get back into the normal rhythm of the single life. It might feel messy and strange at first, but after 30 days you may find yourself feeling much better. While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different.

How do you make him realize what he lost? ›

How To Make A Guy Realize He Is Losing You
  1. Let Him Know That You Are Prepared To Walk Away. Save. ...
  2. Do Not Let Him Take Away Your Efforts In Vain. Easier said than done! ...
  3. Prioritize Yourself. ...
  4. Remind Him That He Is Not Your Only Option. ...
  5. Make Yourself Busy. ...
  6. Go For A New Look. ...
  7. Take A Break From Replying. ...
  8. Do Not Try To Please Him.
9 Sept 2022

How do I stop thinking about my ex during no contact? ›

  1. Distract yourself so you're literally too busy to even think about them. ...
  2. Establish some boundaries with yourself. ...
  3. Give yourself some time to feel sad, or mad, or angry, or literally whatever. ...
  4. Understand that you may still have lingering feelings for this person, and that's okay. ...
  5. Indulge in alllll the self care.
23 Mar 2021

How do men act when they miss you? ›

Texting you frequently, talking about you when with friends or others, getting jealous, drunk texting or calling you, trying everything he can to keep the conversation going, and so on are signs he misses you.

Should I leave him alone if he ignores me? ›

#13 Let Him Go

If a guy persistently ignores you (for whatever reason), it likely means he isn't ready for a relationship with you. It also means he doesn't really care about your feelings or needs. What is this? So, if you're looking for real commitment, you will need to walk away and search for that elsewhere.

How do guys react to the silent treatment? ›

Resentments build up, issues get unresolved. The person you're snubbing feels hurt and confused, and either does everything in their power to get you to start talking to them again or gets angry and, in turn, snubs you back.

Do guys notice when you stop chasing them? ›

So, it's normal if this question is on your mind, if I stop chasing him, will he notice? The answer to that is a strong 'yes. ' Whether he enjoyed it or not, he would notice a change towards him.

Do guys care when you leave them on read? ›

So, despite being a bit shady, both experts agreed that leaving someone on read can definitely work to make you seem more desirable — but it can be a mixed bag further down the line. Keegan explains that, as a seduction strategy, keeping someone on read can work. However, it can also appear like a red flag about you.

How do I know if it's over for good? ›

There's No Emotional Connection

One of the key signs your relationship is ending is that you are no longer vulnerable and open with your partner. A cornerstone of happy, healthy ​relationships is that both partners feel comfortable being truly open to sharing thoughts and opinions with one another.

How do you know when a man has checked out of the relationship? ›

They've Stopped Picking Fights Or Responding In Arguments

There are healthy fights couples should have every now then. But if your partner has stopped picking fights or responding in arguments, that may be a sign that they're checking out.

How do you tell if a guy is heartbroken over you? ›

Signs a man is broken-hearted
  1. He doesn't want to see you.
  2. He still pleads with you for a second chance.
  3. He tries to avoid other women.
  4. He flirts with many women.
  5. His posts on social media are sad and depressing.
  6. He tries to get busy.
  7. He starts drinking.
  8. He stops socializing.
19 Nov 2021

How do you know if a guy is emotionally hurt? ›

15 Signs You Really Hurt Him
  • He doesn't see you. ...
  • He doesn't smile at or greet you. ...
  • He doesn't talk to you. ...
  • He doesn't acknowledge your presence. ...
  • He doesn't respond to your calls or messages. ...
  • He blocks you on social media. ...
  • He constantly talks about you on social media. ...
  • He starts getting into rebound relationships.
28 Nov 2022

How do you tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you? ›

When a man is confused about his feelings, his behavior might be erratic. He might make you feel desired and give you all his attention during the 'hot' phase. Then he may pull away just like that and act cold when he feels like he's catching feelings for you.

How do you tell if a guy wants you to leave him alone? ›

14 Signs He Wants You to Leave Him Alone (with tips)
  • A deep sense of disconnection. ...
  • You're always initiating conversations. ...
  • He tells you directly. ...
  • He ignores texts/calls from you. ...
  • Lack of vulnerability (from his end) ...
  • Lack of sexual intimacy. ...
  • He doesn't desire to be physically around you. ...
  • You're excluded from his activities.
17 May 2022

How do you know if a guy still want you? ›

Signs Your Ex-Boyfriend/Ex-Husband Still Loves You
  • He Still Actively Follows You On Social Media. ...
  • He Tries To Contact You Every Now And Then. ...
  • And When You Respond, He Tries To Keep The Conversation Going. ...
  • He Playfully Teases You. ...
  • He Gets Nostalgic. ...
  • He Sends You Pictures Of Things That Remind Him Of You.
2 Nov 2022

What psychology says about silent people? ›

Psychologically, the Main character trait for a quiet Person might be is silence and smartness, because it`s attached to a high analysis ability of events and other`s actions, not necessary at all that quiet person could be just humble, modest, afraid, dangerous, or even weak…it`s something deeper than that.

What kind of person gives silent treatment? ›

Avoidance: In some cases, people stay silent in a conversation because they do not know what to say or want to avoid conflict. Communication: A person may use the silent treatment if they do not know how to express their feelings but want their partner to know that they are upset.

What does Silent mean in a man? ›

If you describe someone as a silent person, you mean that they do not talk to people very much, and sometimes give the impression of being unfriendly. He was a serious, silent man. Synonyms: uncommunicative, quiet, taciturn, tongue-tied More Synonyms of silent.

How do you make a guy miss you after ignoring you? ›

The best way to make a guy miss you is to pull away. Refrain from texting or calling him for the smallest things. If you reach out to him constantly, he does not have any chance to miss you. Instead, give your special person a reason and some time to miss you.

How do you know if someone is emotionally unavailable? ›

The signs below can help you recognize emotional unavailability in a partner.
  • They don't like making plans. ...
  • They call the shots. ...
  • You do all the relationship work. ...
  • They avoid the word 'relationship' ...
  • You never seem to grow closer. ...
  • They reflect your feelings instead of offering their own. ...
  • They show up late or blow off plans.

Does the no contact rule work on men? ›

By using the no contact rule on your man, you take control for yourself and he takes on the feeling of loss. He will then seek to reclaim what he lost with you. Though nothing is one-hundred percent effective, this post explains why the no contact rule works on men and it works very well.

How do you know he won't come back? ›

Well, here are 11 clear signs he will never come back:
  1. He blocked you on social media and other communication platforms. ...
  2. He cut every possible way that could lead to contact. ...
  3. The relationship didn't end well. ...
  4. The relationship was toxic or abusive. ...
  5. He's determined in his decisions. ...
  6. He doesn't check your social media.
8 Mar 2022

Should you reach out after 30 days no contact? ›

If you still need time to work on yourself, then you can always extend the no-contact to as many days of no contact that you want. Whether it's 60 days or no contact for another 30 days. If 30 days have passed and your ex has not reached out to you, then you should give him or her their space.

How long does it take for a man to Realise he misses you? ›

According to the experts, it will take between two to four months before he starts feeling lonely. He'll be doing everything possible to block out his emotions during this time. But once he surrenders to them, he'll start missing you.

How do you make him feel guilty for hurting you? ›

Ignore him back. The best way to learn how to make a guy feel guilty for hurting you and ignoring you is to just ignore him and get on with things. It's hard and it'll take a lot of your strength but it's easier than wrapping yourself in knots trying to figure things out. You deserve so much better anyway.

Does absence make the heart grow fonder for guys? ›

RELATIONSHIPS: Absence makes a man's heart grow fonder, but not a woman's.

What to do when he is pulling away? ›

What To Do When He Pulls Away
  1. Ask, Don't Assume. ...
  2. Discuss Space vs. ...
  3. Learn His Love Language (and Your Own) ...
  4. Communicate Your Feelings Without Maligning His Character. ...
  5. Consider Therapy (for You and for the Relationship) ...
  6. Don't Take It Personally. ...
  7. Check Your Expectations. ...
  8. Know When to Let Go.
28 Jul 2022

What he is thinking during no contact? ›

“No contact” could make him question what he thought he did right. He'll doubt everything from his attractiveness and bedroom skills to his jokes and romantic gestures. He might fixate on every little error he made while you were together, adding to his feelings of regret and insecurity.

How do you know ex is thinking about you? ›

In short, here are the things you need to be looking out for,
  1. They Will React To You In Some Way On Social Media.
  2. They Ask About You When They Run Into Mutual Friends.
  3. They Log Into Any Shared Accounts.
  4. They Change Their Social Media Behavior Completely.
  5. They Try To Get In Touch With You At Weird Times.
16 Mar 2021

How do you know someone is thinking about you? ›

25 Psychic Signs Someone Is Thinking About You
  • Unexpected emotions. ...
  • Eye twitching. ...
  • White feather sign. ...
  • Dreams about them. ...
  • Goosebumps. ...
  • A butterfly perches on you. ...
  • Your cheeks flush. ...
  • Mid-meal discomfort.
7 days ago

How much time does it take for a guy to Realise that he lost a good girl? ›

8) When he notices that you have moved on

Last but not least, a man will truly realize that he has lost you when he notices that you have moved on with your life. Once he sees you happy, either by yourself or with someone else, he will come to the realization that you're not his anymore, and that he has truly lost you.

How do you get him to realize he made a mistake? ›

One of the best things you can do to make him realize his mistake is that you simply remind him of the best time you've spent together and leave him thinking about it. You can tell him that you miss the way he made you feel back then and leave him wondering if he is making a mistake by leaving.

How long does it take men to miss? ›

According to the experts, it will take between two to four months before he starts feeling lonely. He'll be doing everything possible to block out his emotions during this time. But once he surrenders to them, he'll start missing you.

What is the greatest mistake a man can make? ›

The greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making one.

How do you make a guy regret ignoring you? ›

15 tips to make him regret ignoring you
  1. Express your feelings (to him) One of the most direct ways to learn how to make him regret ignoring you is by being upfront about it. ...
  2. Get your story straight. ...
  3. Be less available. ...
  4. Spend time with friends (especially mutual friends) ...
  5. Block him. ...
  6. Pursue other options. ...
  7. Conclusion.
21 Mar 2022

How do you tell if someone regrets breaking up with you? ›

Here are some of the signs your ex regrets dumping you.
  1. They begin to communicate with you.
  2. They apologize for the breakup.
  3. They show more affection.
  4. They discuss issues in their present relationship.
  5. They try to atone for past mistakes.
  6. They show pessimism when you tell them someone else is involved.
  7. They stalk you.
8 Jul 2022

How do you know if he's lost love? ›

21 Signs He Is Losing Interest In You
  • You Are Not Spending Enough Time Together. ...
  • He Is Not Romantic With You Anymore. ...
  • You Find Him Dodging Questions About Your Relationship. ...
  • He Is Ignoring Your Texts And Calls. ...
  • There Is A Clear Lack Of Arguments. ...
  • You Rarely Touch Each Other.
25 Nov 2022

Do men come back after losing interest? ›

Once a guy loses interest can you get it back? Yes, you can get a guy's interest back once he loses it because he was once captivated by you. Your job is to figure out what's changed and fix it. Most men don't just wake up one morning and decide they've lost interest, it's a process.

How do I make him Realise my worth? ›

How to make him realize your worth and take notice of how awesome you are
  1. Realize your own worth first. ...
  2. Take a step back. ...
  3. Try a little radio silence. ...
  4. Keep yourself occupied. ...
  5. Stop trying to tell him and start showing him his behavior is unacceptable. ...
  6. Learn to say no. ...
  7. Assert your independence. ...
  8. Focus on you and what you enjoy.

How can I make him crave me again? ›

How to make him want you more: 8 tips to make him crave for you!
  1. Call him by cute names often: Advertisement. ...
  2. Keep him guessing: ...
  3. Touch him unexpectedly: ...
  4. Small changes do make a big difference: ...
  5. Compliment him often: ...
  6. Take him down the memory lane: ...
  7. Give him ample space: ...
  8. Smell good at all times:
13 Dec 2016

Do guys feel guilty for hurting you? ›

Do guys feel bad when they hurt you? Yes. Indeed you hurt the most, but a man feels the pain as much as you do. Remember, your love interest is a human and can process things clearly even if he doesn't say much.

How do you get a man to understand he hurt you? ›

Try explaining the exact words they used that hurt you, but express your hurt feelings calmly rather than with anger. It's totally OK to be angry, but when communicating with your partner, it might be easier to get your message across if you can avoid lashing out at them.

How long does it take a man to forget a woman? ›

"It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months to forever, depending on how intense the relationship was, how invested you were in each other, and how heartbroken you are," says Jane Greer, PhD, New York-based marriage and family therapist and author of What About Me? (Those three factors all sort of piggyback on ...

How long does it take for a man to miss you and come back? ›

So, a few weeks to two months is the answer to the question, “How long does it take for a guy to miss you?” Typically, men realize what they lost when they can't find a woman with their personality. By then, they learn not all women are the same, and they shouldn't have broken off the relationship.


1. Stages Ex Goes Through During No Contact Rule
(Coach Lee)
2. The Main Thing He's Thinking During No Contact | Relationship Advice for Women by Mat Boggs
(Mat Boggs)
3. 6 Ways No Contact Affects Your Ex’s Brain
(Brad Browning)
4. 7 PSYCHOLOGICAL Reasons Why No Contact Works So Well On Everyone (Number 6 Will SHOCK You!)
5. Psychology of No Contact Rule on Dumper or Ex
(Modern Love Potion)
6. Timeline Comparison For The Dumper and the Person They Dumped
(Coach Lee)
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