3 Simple Ways to Get Your Ex Back Using the No Contact Rule (2023)

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1Beginning the No Contact Period

2Maintaining the No Contact Period

3Ending the No Contact Period

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Co-authored byLisa Shieldand Kai Hynes

Last Updated: October 27, 2022References

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Have you just been broken up with but you know in your gut that you still have a chance at making things work? Try using the no contact rule to get your ex back. Basically, the no contact rule states that if you temporarily stop talking to your ex after a breakup, there’s a chance they’ll miss you and want you back in their life. It can also give you space from your ex to heal, so there's really no harm in trying! To help you out, we'll walk you through exactly how to use the no contact rule to get your ex back.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Beginning the No Contact Period

  1. 1

    Tell your ex you won't be reaching out for a while. This is a mature and respectful way to initiate the no contact rule, as opposed to cutting off communication without letting them know what’s going on.[1] Call or text your your ex a few days after the breakup to tell them you won’t be contacting them for the time being.

    • You could tell your ex “I don’t think we should talk for a while,” or “I need some time alone.”
    • Try to be vague about how long the silence will last. The uncertainty will help push your ex to decide if they want to save this relationship.
    • Don’t tell your ex you’re using the no contact rule. This method works best if they don’t know it’s temporary.
  2. 2

    Plan how long you want the no contact period to last. Setting an end date to your silence can motivate you to maintain the no contact rule, even after it feels unbearable. 4 weeks is generally considered to be enough time for your ex to change their mind about the breakup if they’re going to do it.[2] That being said, follow it for as long or short as you feel is right.

    • Whether you want to set an exact date to end on is up to you. But try to have an idea so you're not waiting forever.
    • The length of this period can change, too, depending on whether your ex reaches out or your own feelings change.

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  3. 3

    Use the limited contact rule if you see each other in-person. There are times when following the no contact rule is physically impossible, like when you work or go to school together. In cases like these, switching over to the limited contact rule is more realistic than switching jobs or schools.[3] To use the limited contact rule:

    • Avoid starting conversations with your ex. If they talk to you first, try to keep your response brief but polite.
    • For example, if your ex asks how you’re doing, respond with “I’m doing alright, thanks for asking. It’s good to see you!”
    • If you’re angry or cold towards them, they might think “good riddance,” which definitely won’t make them want to get back together.
    • You can still follow these rules if you’re doing no contact but run into your ex in public.
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(Video) The No Contact Rule to Get Your Ex Back - 3 Important Reminders

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Maintaining the No Contact Period

  1. 1

    Avoid reaching out to your ex. For the duration of your proposed no contact period, try your hardest to not reach out to your ex. If your ex contacts you first, whether you respond is up to you and your goal with the no contact rule. If you're trying to get them back, hold off on responding unless they bring up getting back together.[4]

    • Do your best to not respond to ex’s calls or texts that aren't about having a serious conversation about the relationship.
    • If you respond to their messages immediately, you risk making them think you’ll stay in their life even if you’re not together.
  2. 2

    Focus on your own life. Being in a relationship may have changed how you live your life. Rather than dwelling on missing old routines, use this time apart as a break and an opportunity to give yourself some much needed “me” time.[5]

    • Spend time with friends and family, devote energy to your hobbies or career, or set new personal goals for yourself.
    • Remember that the no contact rule is also meant to help you heal in the case that your ex doesn’t want to get back together.
    • Distract yourself from post-breakup doom and gloom and rebuild your self-confidence.
  3. 3

    Use social media and mutual friends to stay on your ex’s mind. If you’re worried your ex will forget about you while you’re ignoring them, stay on their social media feed and in the mouths of mutual friends to constantly remind them of you.[6]

    • Try making posts about fun things you’re doing to make your ex miss being a part of your exciting life.
    • Do your best to stay in touch with mutual friends so they can report how you're doing to your ex.
  4. (Video) Get Your Ex Back Using No Contact Rule?

    4

    Don’t badmouth your ex. It might be tempting to complain to your friends and the internet about how much you hate your ex for leaving you. Just know that these words could get back to your ex. If they find out you’re saying nasty things behind their back, they might not want to get back together.[7]

    • You don’t have to praise your ex. Just try to remain neutral or positive about how you’re feeling toward them.
    • For example, if someone asks if you’re still friends with your ex, just say “We’re not really talking at the moment. But maybe one day!”
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Ending the No Contact Period

  1. 1

    Reach out to your ex after the no contact period ends. After your 4 weeks (or however long you decide) are up and your ex hasn't reached out first, you can try contacting your ex. Instead of making it obvious that you’re trying to get back together, imagine you're talking to an old friend about something that made you think of them.[8]

    • First, acknowledge your silence with something like, “Sorry for the silence. I just needed some time alone.”
    • Then, bring up something nostalgic, like, “I was just at our favorite restaurant the other day” or “I finished that TV show we started watching.”
    • After that, try easing into a casual conversation with something like, “I was just thinking about you. How are you?”
  2. 2

    Discuss the breakup in-person. After you’ve established contact with your ex, you’ll need to address the elephant in the room. This part of the conversation is best done face-to-face: just like no one likes being broken up with over the phone, no one likes talking about breakups over the phone.[9]

    • You can initiate this with something like “It’s really nice talking to you again. Would you ever want to meet up for coffee or a meal?”
    • Once you’ve met and caught up for a bit, bring up the breakup by asking, “Where do you think our relationship went wrong?”
    • Respectfully listen and respond to your ex’s opinions. More arguments won’t fix this relationship!
    • For example, if your ex says you weren't supportive, say, “I’m sorry. That’s something I’m really trying to work on."
  3. 3

    Talk about a better future together. After the two of you have finished discussing your past relationship, it’s time to start looking toward the future. If you're still willing to give the relationship another try, assure your ex that this time could be different.[10]

    • If you want to initiate the topic of getting back together, bring it up sensitively, and remember that your ex has the right to say no.
    • If you want your ex to initiate getting back together, be prepared to let them do it at their own pace.
    • Remember that getting back together is the beginning of something new. Don't let whatever caused the breakup happen again!
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      Warnings

      • Try to think if you truly want this relationship back. If it didn't work in the past, it's probable that there were some serious issues in the relationship. A lot of couples get back without fixing the underlying issues, setting themselves up for failure again.[11]

        As a small thank you, we’d like to offer you a $30 gift card (valid at GoNift.com). Use it to try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full price—wine, food delivery, clothing and more. Enjoy!

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      About This Article

      This article was co-authored by Lisa Shield and by wikiHow staff writer, Kai Hynes. Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan. This article has been viewed 85,033 times.

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      FAQs

      How do I get my ex back immediately? ›

      Steps You Can Take & Things To Say To Get Your Ex Back
      1. Give Them Space. ...
      2. Apply the No Contact Rule (Yes, Even on Social Media) ...
      3. Become a Person You Can Be Proud Of. ...
      4. Make Some Positive Changes in Your Appearance. ...
      5. Make Some Positive Changes in Your Mentality. ...
      6. Allow Yourself to Grieve for a While. ...
      7. Write a Journal.
      2 Dec 2021

      How can the no contact rule be successful? ›

      Here are a few tips to help you to maintain your distance.
      1. Write a letter to yourself. ...
      2. Give yourself room to grieve. ...
      3. Make a list of every terrible thing your partner ever did. ...
      4. Start a self-care list. ...
      5. Have a breakup buddy. ...
      6. Work on yourself. ...
      7. Start a new hobby. ...
      8. Give yourself some structure.
      25 Sept 2022

      How do I get my ex back without contact rule? ›

      Tell your ex you won't be reaching out for a while.

      This is a mature and respectful way to initiate the no contact rule, as opposed to cutting off communication without letting them know what's going on. Call or text your your ex a few days after the breakup to tell them you won't be contacting them for the time being.

      How do you make an ex miss you badly? ›

      How To Make Your Ex Miss You After A Breakup
      1. Do Not Try To Contact Them. ...
      2. Do Not Receive Their Calls And Respond To Their Texts. ...
      3. Reinvent Yourself. ...
      4. Meet New People And Make New Friends. ...
      5. Talk To Their Friends. ...
      6. Check Out The Outside Dating World. ...
      7. Take A Vacation. ...
      8. Be Active On Social Media.
      30 Nov 2022

      What is the 12 word text? ›

      The 12-word text stems from the hero instinct, a concept coined by relationship expert James Bauer in his book His Secret Obsession. You see, all men have this biological urge to step up for the woman they care about and earn her respect in return.

      What makes an ex come back? ›

      1. The No-Contact Rule. If you want to discover why exes come back after years, you should know that when an ex thinks that you would not be able to move on and leave their memories behind, they muster the guts to make a comeback. An ex may come back even when they are not sure of your relationship status.

      How can I make my ex miss me and regret? ›

      Here are 11 tried-and-tested ways to make your ex regret losing you
      1. Limit contact with your ex, but stay in sight. ...
      2. Don't be the backup plan. ...
      3. Become a better version of yourself. ...
      4. Make them think you're over them. ...
      5. Keep calm and move on. ...
      6. Get successful. ...
      7. Expand your social circle. ...
      8. Evoke a little jealousy.
      13 May 2022

      How do I make my ex realize my worth? ›

      How to make him realize your worth and take notice of how awesome you are
      1. Realize your own worth first. ...
      2. Take a step back. ...
      3. Try a little radio silence. ...
      4. Keep yourself occupied. ...
      5. Stop trying to tell him and start showing him his behavior is unacceptable. ...
      6. Learn to say no. ...
      7. Assert your independence. ...
      8. Focus on you and what you enjoy.

      How long is no contact most effective? ›

      The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

      What are the 5 stages of no contact? ›

      These are the five stages you can expect your ex to feel during a no contact rule.
      • Calm And Assured Of Their Decision (3 Days To A Week)
      • Worry After They Don't Hear From You (Week To 2 Weeks)
      • Anger After They Realize They Are Being Ignored (2 Weeks To 2.5 Weeks)
      • Confrontation About What They Lost (2.5 Weeks to 3 Weeks)
      8 Feb 2021

      How long does the no contact rule take to work? ›

      At the very least, the no contact rule requires that you keep radio silence for 30 days after the breakup. Depending on your situation, that void might have to extent for a few more weeks or months. The goal of no contact is to give you the power of silence after break up.

      How do you make my ex miss me without talking to him? ›

      The key to making an ex miss you without talking to him is… not trying too hard. All you really need to do is enact a no-contact rule and let the backwards law do its thing. You should focus on growing yourself as a person and that will give you the best chance of making your ex miss you.

      How do I make my ex contact me? ›

      Aiming to have your ex reach out to you first really isn't that important as long as you're ending the conversations at the high points. If you keep having satisfying conversations with your ex and ending them before they get boring, your ex is bound to desire to talk to you so he will reach out first eventually.

      How to make an ex miss you psychology? ›

      Are you struggling to get him back?
      1. The Psychological Tricks That Will Make Your Ex Miss You. ...
      2. Trick #1: Give him space. ...
      3. Trick #2: Make him think about the good things in your relationship. ...
      4. Trick #3: Act occupied. ...
      5. Trick #4: Be unpredictable. ...
      6. Trick #5: Make him think that he might have lost you forever. ...
      7. The Bottom Line.
      5 Mar 2022

      Will silence make my ex miss me? ›

      The simple answer to the above questions is yes. When you walk away and make him miss you, it's typical for a man to come back to you. The power of silence after a breakup is highly effective in making your partner come back. To start with, going silent after a breakup is a sign of confidence and self-esteem.

      Is it possible to attract an ex? ›

      In order to attract your ex back, it's important to focus on positive thoughts and emotions. This means staying positive and optimistic about the future, that is the only way. It might be difficult at first, but if you can focus on the good things, you'll eventually attract a new relationship.

      What texts do guys like to receive? ›

      Take a look at our whole list of loving texts for him.
      • I definitely have become a better person because of you. ...
      • I had a dream about you last night.
      • You honestly make me laugh harder than I've ever laughed before. ...
      • My day would've been much better if you were in it.
      • I could text you until two in the morning.
      13 Nov 2020

      What do you say when fixing a relationship? ›

      Be specific, constructive, and positive. Use “I” statements to convey your thoughts and feelings. Own your part of the problem. Tell your partner how his or her behavior affects you and why; e.g., “When you left for work without saying goodbye, I worried you might be angry with me.”

      How do you know your ex is not coming back? ›

      18 Signs Your Ex Is Never Coming Back
      1. There's no communication. Save. ...
      2. Your conversations have gone dull. ...
      3. You have been friend-zoned. ...
      4. Your ex is enjoying life after separation. ...
      5. They have blocked you on all the social media platform. ...
      6. They speak ill about you. ...
      7. They return all your stuff. ...
      8. They avoid your family and friends.
      29 Nov 2022

      Why your silence makes your ex come back? ›

      There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.

      How do you know if he doesn't love you anymore? ›

      13 Signs He Doesn't Love You Anymore
      • You Think He Doesn't Love You. ...
      • He Doesn't Prioritize Time with You. ...
      • The Things He Loved About You Seem to Annoy Him Now. ...
      • He Withdraws. ...
      • He Stops Complimenting You. ...
      • He Never Mentions the Future. ...
      • His Behavior Feels Inconsistent. ...
      • He “Friend Zones” You When You Flirt with Him.
      15 Jul 2022

      What do you say after no contact? ›

      I hope you're doing well. It's been a while since we talked. Tell me about what you've been doing in the last couple of weeks.” This neutral response doesn't set up any expectations and gives you some time to converse, feel things out, and then decide based on how you feel.

      What makes an ex respect you? ›

      Be reliable and accountable. These qualities help you to earn respect in every situation. Put simply, people respect reliable people. If your ex knows you'll be somewhere when you say you'll be there, or will do something that you say you'll do, they'll naturally hold you in higher esteem.

      How do I make my ex envy? ›

      How to Make Your Ex Jealous
      1. Post attractive pictures of yourself online.
      2. Stop all contact with your ex.
      3. Post amazing updates about your life.
      4. Hang out with a group.
      5. Be nice if you can't avoid your ex.
      6. Act like you're totally fine.
      7. Look your best.
      8. Get active to help you move on.

      What no contact does to a man? ›

      The male mind during no contact

      The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.

      What no contact does to a woman? ›

      Going 'no-contact' with someone you spent a lot of time with and planned a future with can be painful. A woman experiencing the stages of no contact is likely to feel angry, sad, and lonely. While a woman is likely to feel sadness in the early stages of no contact, she will quickly get over her ex as time goes on.

      What happens during 30 day no contact? ›

      What Do You Mean 30 Day No Contact Rule? Exactly what it says, no contact, cut off all communication for an amount of time determined by certain factors. However, it's less of a rule and more of a technique or strategy to either move on with your life or reconcile.

      Does my ex still think about me? ›

      If your ex is trying to contact you, or maybe even trying to speak to you at weird hours, then it might be a sign they still think about you. Another big sign is social media. If they somehow didn't get rid of you, whether, via an unfriend or a straight block, it might mean that they miss you.

      What are the signs that no contact is working? ›

      5 Signs The No-Contact Rule is Working
      • Your ex tries to establish contact. You have vanished from their life suddenly. ...
      • Self-love is among the 5 signs that no-contact rule is working. ...
      • You start responding to overtures by others. ...
      • Your ex becomes more responsive. ...
      • Your ex wants to get back together.

      What does the dumper think during no contact? ›

      Initially, they feel happy and relieved that they have done the job of dumping you - they will have been thinking about if for some time, even though it might have been a shock for you. The first few weeks they will just be glad it's over and be enjoying their life without you.

      How long should no contact last to get back together? ›

      While you typically want to wait 30-90 days, it totally depends on you. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to recovering from a tough breakup. If your 30 or 60 or whatever number of days passes and you don't really feel ready to move on, then don't.

      How long before he misses me with no contact? ›

      Today I'm going to show you the eight definitive signs that a man is missing you during a no contact rule. Usually this period of time lasts anywhere between 21-45 days. Of course, for many of our clients are left wondering how they can tell if it is even working.

      What is he thinking after a week of no contact? ›

      After several days, he'll wonder what you're doing and why you're silent. It's common for most men to expect (or hope) that their ex will be the one to break the ice, and he'll worry when you haven't called or texted in a week. He'll be obsessed with trying to figure out what you're thinking.

      How do you make your ex crave for you? ›

      Be the person you are: When you happen to meet your ex, do not be too eager to show that you are the same person that you were in the past. You are what you are now, and they need to accept this fact. Be yourself, even if it means that you have changed since the time when you were seeing each other.

      How do I make him reconsider my break up? ›

      Talk during a stress-free time.
      1. Say something like, “I know you've been talking about breaking up a lot lately, but I still want this relationship. I love you and hope you'll reconsider.”
      2. If you can't talk during a stress-free time, be as calm as possible. Be rational, listen, and don't raise your voice.

      How do I get my ex back without contact? ›

      Tell your ex you won't be reaching out for a while.

      This is a mature and respectful way to initiate the no contact rule, as opposed to cutting off communication without letting them know what's going on. Call or text your your ex a few days after the breakup to tell them you won't be contacting them for the time being.

      How do you get your ex to talk to you after no contact? ›

      Here are a few ideas to get you started.
      1. Remind Them Of A Good Memory.
      2. Let Them Know You're Thinking Of Them.
      3. Send Them Something Funny.
      4. Don't Be A Weirdo.
      3 Nov 2017

      What to text an ex to reconnect? ›

      Once you feel sure about your intentions, here are some examples of texts to send your ex if you want them back.
      • “I miss you. ...
      • “You've been on my mind a lot lately. ...
      • *Funny meme or inside joke* “Looking at this made me think of you, I'd love to catch up.” ...
      • “I saw your promotion update on LinkedIn yesterday.
      18 Apr 2022

      How can I make my ex regret not coming back? ›

      Here are 11 tried-and-tested ways to make your ex regret losing you
      1. Limit contact with your ex, but stay in sight. ...
      2. Don't be the backup plan. ...
      3. Become a better version of yourself. ...
      4. Make them think you're over them. ...
      5. Keep calm and move on. ...
      6. Get successful. ...
      7. Expand your social circle. ...
      8. Evoke a little jealousy.
      13 May 2022

      How do you get back together after a break up naturally? ›

      Here are eight things you should do to have a healthy relationship after getting back together.
      1. Acknowledge past hurt. ...
      2. Respect your partner's perspective. ...
      3. Discuss what you've learned since the breakup. ...
      4. Figure out how to make this time better. ...
      5. Get curious about both yourself and your partner's emotions. ...
      6. Create time to connect.
      26 Sept 2022

      How do you make an ex contact you? ›

      Aiming to have your ex reach out to you first really isn't that important as long as you're ending the conversations at the high points. If you keep having satisfying conversations with your ex and ending them before they get boring, your ex is bound to desire to talk to you so he will reach out first eventually.

      How can I make my ex miss me and jealous? ›

      How to Make Your Ex Jealous
      1. Post attractive pictures of yourself online.
      2. Stop all contact with your ex.
      3. Post amazing updates about your life.
      4. Hang out with a group.
      5. Be nice if you can't avoid your ex.
      6. Act like you're totally fine.
      7. Look your best.
      8. Get active to help you move on.

      What do you say after no contact rule? ›

      I hope you're doing well. It's been a while since we talked. Tell me about what you've been doing in the last couple of weeks.” This neutral response doesn't set up any expectations and gives you some time to converse, feel things out, and then decide based on how you feel.

      How do you tell if you'll get back together? ›

      Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back
      1. 1 They leave your number unblocked.
      2. 2 They're sad weeks after the breakup.
      3. 3 They're active on your social media.
      4. 4 They haven't returned your things.
      5. 5 They keep in touch with your friends and family.
      6. 6 They initiate contact regularly.
      7. 7 They reminisce about the past.

      How do you make your ex miss you without talking to him? ›

      The key to making an ex miss you without talking to him is… not trying too hard. All you really need to do is enact a no-contact rule and let the backwards law do its thing. You should focus on growing yourself as a person and that will give you the best chance of making your ex miss you.

      How do you make a guy crave you? ›

      How to make him want you more: 8 tips to make him crave for you!
      1. Call him by cute names often:
      2. Keep him guessing:
      3. Touch him unexpectedly:
      4. Small changes do make a big difference:
      5. Compliment him often:
      6. Take him down the memory lane:
      7. Give him ample space:
      8. Smell good at all times:
      13 Dec 2016

      How do you make a guy want you fast? ›

      Here are some tips and tricks from relationship and matchmaking experts that can help you get a man to focus his attention on you.
      1. Smile. TODAY. ...
      2. Don't hide in the corner. ...
      3. Ask for his help. ...
      4. Talk about your hobbies. ...
      5. Don't dress for your girlfriends. ...
      6. Look him in the eye. ...
      7. Avoid the obvious. ...
      8. Go out alone or with one other friend.
      20 Jul 2016

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